It has been almost an entire year since I have blogged. Not for any real reason. Maybe, denial, humiliation, laziness..... who knows.....what I do know, is every time I have thought about it, I got anxiety. I would log onto the computer and dance around the website unable to focus in on what I was there for. Even now, I sit and stare at the screen just wondering where to even start.....
I don't really have any specifics for the past year except that I have grown in so many ways I can not even begin to count. I was able to take time for myself to learn who I was again. Things happen so fast. Life happens so fast; next thing I know, I have lost 3 children and don't really think I every grieved and processed the first loss. The end of last summer I had some sort of break. I don't know what it was, but something changed inside of me. I feel like the light inside of me, the light that has been out for many years; has finally been lit again.
Since last summer, I have been exercising and making healthier choices, and in return I have lost 30 pounds. It has not been easy, I have not used medications or phony gimmicks, just good old sweat and tears. I am finding that there is nothing more satisfying than self improvement. Its becoming an addiction. Without some sort of program lined up for myself, I feel like I spiral out of control, and for the first time in my life I have control.
