Thursday, May 9, 2013

The truth hurts

We went to the Maternal fetal medicine doctor today. She was great, very personable and very receptive to our questions. Basically, with APLS I have so many risks, bleeding, clots, high blood pressure and who knows what else. We discussed the dosages of blood thinners and adding a baby aspirin in the future if we did get pregnant again. But that's not why we were there, we wanted to find out if it was possible and safe for us to have children. She is very concerned about my blood pressure, especially as young as I am. There is a 40% chance of pre-eclampsia already with my blood disorder. She questioned where I got the high blood pressure, and honestly I don't know. I was diagnosed with it when I was 20 years old, just figured it was stress or something. But the longer I go and the older I get it just gets higher and higher. I was telling her this, and that my Diastolic blood pressure is usually in the high 80's and low 90's no matter what I do. Even with me adding in exercise lately, it seems to still run high. Even with being on 2 blood pressure medications. Of course weight loss and diet can help, but she feels there may be something else causing my blood pressure to be so high. So she recommends I have an echocardiogram to check the function of the valves of my heart, and especially the ventricles with my high diastolic. She said they need to make sure the wall of my heart is not being affected by my blood pressure and make sure its not thickening. She also wants me to have an MRI to check for renal artery stenosis, or narrowing of my kidney artery that could cause increased blood pressure. I also need to have an eye exam to check for any damage to the vessels in the back of my eye caused from the blood pressure. If these tests come back normal, we can CONSIDER trying again. If any of these tests come back showing organ damage, she does not recommend we have children. It could cause too many complications, and even be life threatening to me.

Now of course this is not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I was expecting something crazy, after all it is me. I may never be able to carry our own child, but have started to think about surrogacy. The cost of that and adoption are so outrageous, I doubt that would ever be an option, but it would be worth looking into. I need to consult with my OB about birth control, because she said I need to check out on all these tests before we should even consider trying. She also wants to check my thyroid and screen for diabetes. I really have to start taking weight loss and healthy eating serious, Im not unhealthy, or obese, but anything helps!!!

All of her notes will be sent to my primary care doctor, and he will set up all the testing..... Really just concerned about how serious this all is. Im very scared but trying to stay positive and busy. Im so thankful for such a wonderful husband to stand by and be there for me as I go through all of this. He helps me remember certain information the dr's needed. I love him so much!

Its a huge pill to swallow that I may never experience the miracle of child birth. It makes it hard for me to see my friends and family having babies and getting pregnant. But I am still so happy for them at the same time. Im working on it.....

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