The first day

I woke up this morning, hoping it was all a dream. I got up to go to the bathroom and was quickly reminded it is not a dream. But the aftermath of a nightmare. Our baby boy is gone. I thought I had been doing so good. I had to just go and sob alone in the bathroom. I am trying to be strong for Shaun too. He is handling it very well, and usually doesn't show any emotion. But I know he has to hurt inside. Him and his mom saw our baby after the surgery in the NICU. A choice he said he instantly regreted. He didn't want me to see him, as he knew it would cause severe heartache. We laughed together some today, cuddled and were just there for each other. Started my Lexapro today, hopefully that will kick in soon. Im going to have a hard time going back to work, I doubt I will continue on in school. Im at a place in my life that I am happy where I am at. I don't need to anymore schooling to get what I want. All I really want is a family of our own. ...... And if I could go back and do it all agaian I would have never started school.