And so it kicks in....

The past few days have been horrible. I can literally feel my body moving back into its original state. I had purchased a few small things over the past few months. these items were still laying around the house, and I had to face the fact I don't get to use them. I finally got myself to take the "memory box" they gave us from the hospital from the car. The little 10x10 baby blue box..... Inside they gave us a blue blanket, little knit hat and crib card. Weight 80 grams, Height 6.5 inches. My hormones are normalizing and reality is kicking in. All that goes through my head is I should have gone in sooner, they could have caught the cord twisting, when in reality I guess this happens a lot, and some mothers lose their babies at 30+ weeks. Ive spent the past few days wandering around the house, trying to straighten out my thoughts and sleeping. My husband is making sure I at least eat while he is here. He also made me get out of the house today to run some errands. It was little, but it was needed. Im trying to get enough umph to return some phone calls. Im just not ready to talk about it or much of anything else, so please don't take it personal. ... I did go to see my doctor and nurse manager yesterday. He basically forced me to come see him, but it was good for me. I cried as soon as my friend blew me a kiss. I felt so much support when I went in though, Im taking a whole week off so I can gather my thoughts. Ive been pretty pissed off at the world lately, so mad at how things work out, really having some issues with my faith right now.