This week has been a great week so far. I feel like I have hit a new stage. A step higher and brighter. I feel myself smiling and joking around again. Getting more interest in hobbies and energy back. I just do one project a day. I've been focusing my time on work, and organizing around there. Trying to be effective and efficient. ha ha. I like my job, I have control over almost every aspect of it, I can be as OCD as I want. Its good for me to have something to focus my time on. I wish I could have this focus with cleaning the house. An unorganized house for me, means I have been busy doing things which is good.
My friend let me borrow a book called "When Empty arms become a Heavy Burden". I took it to the gym with me yesterday and walked for an hour on the treadmill with no problem at all. I couldn't believe how fast it went by. I was glued immediately. I couldn't believe how closely it related to my situation. It is very interesting to read, and incorporates the bible and teaching into it to help with acceptance. I read some more this morning, and am hoping to maybe finish it before Monday.
I have my 6 week follow up appointment coming up next week. Who knows if he has anything more to tell me about what happened or not. Hopefully not. And hopefully it was what it was. Im not sure what the future holds yet for our decision of children. Only time will tell. The Hematologist I am now seeing says it is possible if we would want to have children again in the future. I am going to look into Lovenox (blood thinner) at KU med and see if they have any assisatance with the cost. Lovenox is $3000 a month WITH insurance. If not, the Hematololgist also said they could have me get injections at the clinic and it would be billed differently and maybe help with the cost of the medication. Heparin is the blood thinner I was on, but I already have low platelets , and a side effect of the medication can cause low platelets, when Lovenox does not. If my platelets get too low I can bleed. I would need steroids to increase them. They couldn't switch to Lovenox once on Heparin, because risk of clotting goes up during "bridge time". Its a whole medical mess, and its not fair. I wish I didn't have to worry about any of it. I wish I could just be normal and never have to worry about any of it.... But such is life. Which is part of what that book includes. Im praying for the strength, and working on just living every day to its fullest.
Love seeketh not itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care,
But for another gives it ease,
And builds a heaven in hells despair.
- William Blake 1757-1827